failure to
by Lies.And.Distraction
Summary: He doesn't shoot, and he doesn't shoot, and he doesn't shoot.


I'm fully aware that this piece disregards certain important character developments; this topic, perhaps, is simply too much for me not to play around with. Please enjoy, regardless. =w=

* * *

In one universe, he hates you. You don't give him any reason not to, acting in turns like a ghost and like an arrogant brat. You do just what you must to keep the both of you alive, and nothing else. Before Sho can unleash his final attack, you and he disappear, leaving Neku to himself.

When the time comes, you think, _of course he'll do it_. He has no reason not to, no trust in you, no debts to be repaid, no idea of friendship or whatever led him to make that first decision, a handful of universes ago. Surely you've played the game just right this time. He'll do what he has to do.

You count down. Ten, nine, eight. Three, two, one.

He doesn't shoot. You do, once again, full of frustration and confusion.

**again**

In another universe, he falls in love. With you. He never says as much, but it's obvious by the way he first closes himself off more, and then grudgingly, all of the sudden, becomes quite protective of you and never meets your eyes. You consider being a complete and total asshole- shoot him down as rudely as you can, trample on his heart until he hates the very thought of you- but you can't bring yourself to do it.

So you act like you haven't noticed anything, and just let this round run its course for the time being.

Of course, he doesn't shoot.

**again**

Sanae said he thought you had some obsession, a refusal to accept reality and move on. You told him all you wanted to do was understand. Who knows which of you is right.

**again**

In a fit of frustration, you stray from the pattern entirely and find that your bet with Megumi fails to strip you of your powers. You have nothing against Shiki- she seems like a nice girl, with a bright Soul, and it is due to her that Neku ever began to open up- but you use her against him before he even knows who you are.

"Shoot me," you say, smiling, "or I'll shoot her."

His hands shake, and shake, and shake, and his eyes burn with hatred for you, but he doesn't shoot. He grits his teeth as the gun clatters to the ground and yells for you to take him, instead, or at least fight one-to-one.

You sigh and let Shiki go. You can feel that you've corrupted this universe with your actions, so you gently wipe it clean before you move on.

Why, why, _why_, you wonder. It's not that he can't kill. It's that he _won't_ kill _you_, and it makes no sense as to _why_. No matter what you do, he doesn't pull the trigger.

**again**

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be, you think, but you can't imagine that's the truth. Shibuya isn't exactly in the best condition with the state you're in for the moment, but even when you were fine, it wasn't good enough. You've lost your relevance. You've become too old.

You've become too old, and this child whom Shibuya loves insists on keeping you around.

Perhaps you don't develop a friendship, strong or tenuous, in every universe, but in all the ones he knows you exist, he never forgets you.

**again**

You ask him, when he lowers the gun, _why_.

"I can't." His voice is shaky and full of contempt and betrayal and sadness. "I can't."

That's all the answer he gives, there, and in any universe after. "I can't," and "I can't," and "I can't," or in the places where he cares about you, "You're my friend." You don't understand.

You don't _understand_.

You would have shot. You shoot him again and again, return him to life again and again- if you and he switched places, you would shoot him in a heartbeat.

He doesn't shoot, and he doesn't shoot, and he doesn't shoot.

**again**

"Josh," his voice says, before you even feel the Angel behind you. You tense up, breathe in quietly, and look at the horizon.

He sighs and settles down beside you. "You need to stop this."

"Not yet."

"When?"

"When I understand."

The both of you are silent for a moment, and then he says, "You won't. There's no explanation."

You dig your fingernails into your hands. "Why didn't you shoot?" It was a different Joshua, this is a different Neku, but it still applies.

He deliberates for a moment before saying, "I was scared."

Scared of the consequences, scared of the threats, it all leads back to he should have shot. He should have, but he didn't.

Voice softer, he says, "You thought he would stay, didn't you. When he died. You thought he'd come work with you."

"No. That would be stupid." For a moment you're a bit angry that he brings it up, but you let it go. He may not be _your_ Neku, but he is still Neku. "More like... I'd hoped. Which is stupider."

He laughs. "Nah. I can't speak for him, but I think I would have wanted to stay. He must have had his reasons."

It's been a while since you lost someone, and there's an ache within you, a void that keeps sucking everything in, leaving you empty. He was just a regular human, but he was bright. He was a good friend.

He could have stayed, if he had wanted to. Why didn't he want to.

Neku hesitantly rubs your back. You don't stop him. "You have to let it go. Your Shibuya needs you."

No, it doesn't, you think, but immediately bite it back. "Yeah," you say, instead.

He sits there with you until long after the sun goes down, and then returns you to your proper universe and timeline. You go straight to WildKat and drink Sanae's coffee and take a few deep breaths.

Fine. You won't understand. You can't understand. You never did. Hell if you'll knock Shibuya down to its knees, though. You'll keep her shining bright and healthy until someone else comes along, someone who will do right by her.

Sanae puts a hand on the back of your neck, and you lean into his touch.


End file.
